


A monster within

by Mother_North



Series: Dark Matter [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Jealousy, M/M, POV First Person, Porn with Feelings, Power Play, Psychology, Rivalry, Seduction, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 08:04:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14015898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: Yuzuru always likes to have what he desires, be it yet another gold medal or his training partner, who happens to be already taken…**Of a little game played by three and won by two.





	A monster within

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Puniyo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puniyo/gifts).



> Perhaps, there is some OOC but I am not sure to what extent, to be honest. Also, cheating is implied. I thought I’d warn you just in case.  
> Usual RPF disclaimer applies to this work of fiction in full and it is not meant to offend anyone.

**

_'O, beware, my lord, of **jealousy** ;_

_It is the green-ey'd **monster** , which doth mock_

_The meat it feeds on.'_

William Shakespeare, Othello

**

**POV Yuzuru**

Empty space floods within, reminding of cold expanse of lifeless ice. The worst thing is when all of your feelings are frozen and there is nothing to be done about it, except embracing the numbness. Helplessness stings too.  Freedom which skating used to bring in the past is suddenly not enough anymore. But it used to be my whole world: whistling wind and sharp blades, movement and power united to conceive true beauty. It used to be a guiding light that shone in the darkest of hours, through the hardest of times. It shed its light from above on _that_ faithful night in Sendai, the night which seemingly had no end.

_You are a hope of Tohoku._

They proclaimed, they whispered, they prayed…And it crushed and overwhelmed to the point of oxygen deficiency, when breathing itself felt like an act of bravery. Devastated homeland was left behind and it had _not_ to be in vain.

_I would not let it be for nothing._

I watch snow falling over Toronto slowly. It is an alien continent and country; a city humming and bursting with life: people are fussing around, strange language flying at me from all sides, an endless stream of cars moving through its busy streets. Half of my face is hidden beneath a woolen scarf and, honestly, I don’t even want to take a deep breath, for air here feels hostile too. Expropriation washes over me and the only thing that keeps me grounded in reality is weight of my pair of skates in my backpack. They are a part of who _I am_ and of who _I will be_ one day in the future.

Snowflakes are dancing in the cold air mesmerizingly and it brings uncanny peacefulness, as frozen crystals are covering the surrounding world with a white blanket. It stirs a cowardly desire to find solace, to seek comfort and hide, denying a chance to prove that you are really worth living. I tell myself that I don’t have a luxury of giving up, I don’t have a privilege of being discouraged for the sake of those who are left behind living or _not_.

Tears fill my eyes but I blink them away stubbornly. Each step is bringing me closer to the skating club. I have been training there for months already and I keep on reminding myself that I should feel very lucky. Brian-sensei is kind enough to repeat his explanations and _my_ English language, while being quite a challenge for me, doesn’t seem to make him estranged on a personal level. I can see sincere concern in his eyes, a caring smile warming his face kindly. He is a good man and I do not regret choosing him, after all.

Our shared passion for a certain difficult jump of three and a half revolutions is cementing our student-coach bond further. My whole being is thriving to jump but I am not allowed to put too much focus on my jumping technique solely and I hide my newly obtained quad Salchow obsession behind hours of docile stroking.

I can see a glint of satisfaction in Brian-sensei’s eyes and I smile back in return, nodding numerous times, regardless of whether I have understood what he had said in fullest or not. I try to soak in all of the recommendations he provides and as he tells me to concentrate on improving my skating skills — “to build a firm foundation”, as he puts it, I follow his coaching advice without a word of objection.

Finally, I step on the ice and it feels right, the burden of my anxiousness left behind the door of the locker room. My skintight black under armour is being my shield from my own insecurities and lack of will. As my blades are scarring the smooth surface, my inner scars are left forgotten deep inside. Taking a deep breath, I am gaining speed with powerful strokes and my mind is pleasantly blank and white as a new sheet at the moment— only instinct runs hotly in my veins, my nature subjected to an adrenaline rush as my whole entity braces itself for the jump. A split of millisecond and all oxygen is kicked out of my lungs from the impact of hard fall, the ceiling lamps blurring in front of my eyes. It is always painful to the greater or to the lesser extent but I am used to it anyway. I can hear my coach’s voice, even though it is strangely muffled, worrisome undertone distinct in it.

“Oh God, Yuzuru! We’ve talked about it before. No quad _sal_ at the beginning of your training, after you have just set your foot on the rink! I don’t want to have you injured before an important GPF showdown!”

Frustration is tingling my skin and I am smiling at my own pettiness. My field of view is suddenly blocked by a very familiar figure.

_It looks like Mr. Quad Salchow is here._

I wasn’t expecting him to be at the club so early and it is a bit surprising, he usually comes later, when my back already feels stiff and limbs are leaden from fatigue.

“Are you OK, _Yuzu_..?”

His thick Spanish accent is vivid even in such a short phrase. His dark eyes are scanning me and he stretches his hand for me to grab. His strong palm feels warm and firm. What baffles me is the surprising realization that I have, actually, forgotten to put my black gloves on today. It’s not like me at all.

“Yes. Thank you.”

I let go of his hand once I am back on my feet again. He sighs as he skates away to start his own practice session and my eyes are at the back of his receding head for no more than five seconds. But he makes me watch greedily, eventually.

For two hours I am looking at him throwing pitch-perfect quad salchows one after another and Brian-sensei is _clapping_ and _clapping_ and _clapping_. Javier fails on triple axel, though, and the fall looks pretty nasty but he only laughs and the boisterous sound is echoing through the whole skating-rink. I glance into the broad wall mirror to find a tiny smirk twist the corners of thin lips of my own reflection. I end my practice with a succession of three triple axels sandwiched between spread-eagles and as my wrenchingly tired body is screaming at me, I can still feel some sort of vague satisfaction to go along with it.

Javier intercepts me on my way to the lockers and I have no choice but to stop and listen. I am pretty sure I already know what he is going to say, though.

“Listen, there is a nice snack-bar not far from here. It is just around the corner and they serve some very tasty stuff in there. I’ve been a couple of times …Oh, and they have sushi too if you want…”

My gaze wanders over his moving lips and two-day stubble on his refined cheekbones as he speaks.

_Again._

Why is he doing it? Trying to be friendly and asking me out? Is it because I am one of his prime rivals and he wants to know me better, wants to split my shell, wants to lure me out and explore if there are some kind of weaknesses to make an advantage of..?. It is thoroughly confusing and my poor knowledge of English doesn’t spare me from the necessity to give him an answer.

“I can’t…I am sorry…I…too tired…”

Foreign words are leaving my struggling tongue awkwardly, providing some lame excuses, as I am suddenly interrupted by an obnoxious ringtone of his mobile.

“Will you please wait, Yuzu…Just a moment!”

Irritation washes over me as I have no choice but stand amid the corridor, waiting for him to end his phone conversation.  

“Yes, babe, I just didn’t want to wake you up…Not after _yesterday’s_ night…” _A meaningful smirk._

“I thought you deserved some good rest so I just sneaked out as quietly as possible. Yeah…”

I am pinching the tender skin of the back of my hand hard, my eyes downcast. Why does he think that I really _need to know_ , for fuck sake?

“I am sorry I can’t speak for too long at the moment, a bit busy… I’ll call you later, ok? Love you too, baby! Bye!”

Javier hanged up and my hesitation lasted no more than for a blink of an eye.

_“I go. I agree.”_

Javier looks surprised and his smile is bright enough to illuminate the whole building. I realize acutely that I have to pay some _extra_ care into keeping my heart safely shielded.

“Let’s get changed and go then.”

I let a seemingly unguarded smile ghost over my features as I follow him into the locker room, hearing him humming softly.

**

The door is closed behind and there are only two of us, all others being busy at the gym or elsewhere. It’s a bit strange but the quietude of the deserted locker room suits my purpose the best. My chance is here, for me to act upon.

“I am tired…Help with skates. Please..?” This peculiar little breathless _please_ should have its effect. And it certainly does in no time.

Javier is kneeling in front of me while his strong fingers are unlacing my skating-boots deftly. I can feel his fleeting touch on my shin and it _burns_.

“Here you go! You can thank me later! Maybe some tips on stabilizing my triple axel will do…Or, perhaps, not…” He winks, a mischievous grin plastered on his face.

It is just the way he is, I remind myself — his outgoing and flirty nature shining at everyone, who is ready to see and accept its warmth. He craves attention. He wants to be loved for his openness and good-humour. He is wearing his heart on his sleeve all of the time. He is very kind and is always ready to help. He is fast at making bonds and, maybe, it is just as easy for him to let them deteriorate with the passing of time. His extraverted good-heartedness marks his gestures and all of his beaming smiles and it is pointed at practically everybody. He has nothing to hide out of sheer egoism or petty desire to gain some kind of immediate advantage. He is _pure_ and genuine and I can see through him even with the two of my eyes closed.

I have never been and I shall never be like him and that is exactly why _I want him for myself_ — _all of him_ , to be exact.

I know this game for two all too well and I am, actually, pretty good at playing it.

My eyes are burning holes in his bare back as he is taking his clothes off for a quick shower— all rippling muscles beneath a sun-kissed skin. I get naked too and follow him step by step. All of the shower-stalls are empty, yet I choose the one right in front of his. I leave the flap open and take off my briefs before stepping beneath the torrent of pleasantly hot water. I know he is stealing glances, trying hard to be reticent, albeit it is to no avail. He has always liked looking at me, whether he admitted it to himself or not. _I simply know it._

Javier is facing my back as I am washing my strained body in a deliberately slow manner— hands running over my moist skin smoothly: the sensitive skin of my inner thighs, the graceful curve of my waist, the tender silkiness of my refined collarbones and long neck. I close my eyes and let water caress me. I can feel his smoldering eyes roaming obscenely all over my naked form and it fills me with incomparable thrill, an ardor which is very akin to challenging a risky jump. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to land it successfully but I have no doubt that it is worth a try.

_Love you, babe._

By the way, her name is _Cortney_ , if I am not mistaken…I find it to be extremely _ugly_ , especially, when it rolls from _his_ lips, _his_ eyes lighting up from the inside. I’ve seen her a couple of times and she was struggling to recall my name every single time, her mouth stupidly opened and eyes devoid of an ounce of warmth. Perhaps, she was sick of hearing Javier’s constant babble about his new “prodigious training partner” or, maybe, a notorious phenomenon, a so-called “woman intuition” had something to do with her pointedly aloof attitude towards me. I’ve noticed the way she acted particularly clingy with Javier whenever I was around, each squeeze of her hand, each fleeting embrace and pull practically screaming: “ _Mine_ ”. She could have written “ _STAY AWAY_ ” on Javier’s clean forehead and it still would have seemed not enough to her. It would have been not enough for me either: after all, what I liked the most was _to contend_.

My forefinger is playing with my nipple as I turn to face him, at last. My dark hair is wet and it is sticking to my moist neck and temples and my lips are parted slightly to catch some of the titillating water drops with my tongue.  My excitement is shamelessly evident.

Javier is slack-jawed, his chest heaving and fingers flexing over his powerful thighs. He looks a bit ridiculous, reminding me of a deer in the headlight, _me being the headlight_ , obviously. I bite back a laugh because I know it will definitely ruin the intensity of the moment. I don’t let my eyes drop his gaze as I go into his shower-stall _very_ slowly, each of my movements exuding confidence and cat-like grace. There is no trace of a lanky awkward teenager, although I know that I may seem as one to a profane, oblivious outsider. Judging by the shock Javier’s facial expression is displaying, he has been quite ignorant of my hidden talents of a _deceptively_ innocent seducer.

He gulps visibly as I fall to my knees in front of him, streaming water beating down my spine.

“ _Yuhuru_ …Please, you have to stop…”

His voice sounds shaken and my name is strangely distorted because of his nervousness and undisguised potent arousal, his raging hard-on right before my flushed face. I bet he really hates himself for it — _oh,_ but I _do_ _love_ him now, more than ever, actually.

I don’t know how much time we have, before the practice ends and noisy skaters start infesting the locker room, so it has to be rather quick.

My heart is thumping, adrenaline mixing with excitement as I close my hand around his cock firmly. His legs go weak and he loses his balance momentarily, having to lean back on one of the stall walls.

“ _Yuzu_ , please…Don’t…”

His body speaks louder than words, though, and I let my hand slide up his quivering abdomen, all the way to his chest, to pinch and twist one of his dusky nipples. I can feel his cock throb in my palm with aching need and it sends an electrifying jolt to my own underbelly.

I am stroking him smooth and tight as his head falls back in delight, hips trembling visibly. His heavy breathing and tiny groans are reaching my eager ears and I treasure every little sound he makes. My knees go numb from the hardness of the floor tiles as I start lapping his painfully hard cock, tongue swirling around his overly sensitive head torturously light. His loud moans are resonating across the empty shower room and I am picking up the pace, desperately needing to coax more of these sounds out of his surrendering body. My mouth is hot and silky as I swallow around his formidable girth, feeling his cock hit the back of my throat. I do my best to calm myself down a bit and to control my erratic breathing, though it is becoming quite difficult as Javier’s fingers grab my head on both sides, making me take impossibly deep and starting to dictate the rhythm ruthlessly. His thrusts are forceful and I am positively sure that he is _very_ close.

 _Her_ indignant face flashes behind my closed eyelids, all of a sudden. I can feel a heady flicker of triumphant tremor conquering my heated body — from tip to toe, making my whole essence sing.

_I won._

His ultimate pleasure tastes _sweet_ on my tongue and it takes just a couple of strokes of my knowing hand for me to meet my own sharp climax. I spill at his feet and my head swims, a suffocating wave of pleasure piercing me to the core as I cry out brokenly. I want it _to last_ and _last_ and _last_ till the sun rises in the West but it ends too soon as Javier shoves me away with his still shaking fingers.

I want to say something before he leaves. _I need to_. But this fucking English feels like an insurmountable wall and I can only crack my head open against it, while trying to get to the other side, while trying to truly reach him.  

I can hear Javier rummaging through his stuff near his locker, wanting to get dressed and disappear as quickly as possible. I don’t blame him but the flavor in my mouth turns sour, tart bitterness making my blood clot in my veins.

_Have I lost?_

My fists are clenching at my sides as I get up from my knees. Shower water seems scorching as it is flogging my shoulders punishingly. Javier closes the door with a loud bang and I am acutely aware of my instant drowning loneliness. I want to shake the miserable feeling off and I keep repeating to myself like a broken record:

_He just needs time…give him some time…_

_He will return for more. I know._

I am sitting on the bench, after having dressed numbly. I take out my phone to look through the incoming messages. I can hear voices of approaching skaters from the corridor, as they are returning from their finished practice session. A casual smile is gracing my swollen lips as I say my obligatory _hi_ to each one of them. I avoid further attempts at starting a conversation by staring at the screen of my phone with utmost concentration. It’s a proven way and it works.

There are a lot of things _we_ will have to deal with from now on in the future and there are a lot of words to be said between _us_. But for the time being, there is this one particularly trifle question which bothers me the most. My fingers are seemingly flying, as I am typing an inquiring sms to Javier swiftly.  

_“Do they have strawberry shortcake there?”_

**

It’s very late and my head is resting on the pillow when I hear my cell-phone buzz quietly. I am sure it is from him even before I unblock the screen.

_“The best you can possibly dream of.”_

On that night I fall asleep peacefully, with a contented smile and _his_ lingering taste on my lips.

**

**Author's Note:**

> Your feedback is appreciated. Thank you.


End file.
